As I was walking to meet up with a friend yesterday, a thought hit me like an anvil in a cartoon:
"I have been doing so much lately, and I don't feel drained at all. How can this be?"
It's been quite awhile since I have felt confident in balancing everything I need to do with what I want to do, and not feel like I constantly have to say no or sacrifice my quiet downtime. Honestly, it's likely been at least a few years. For much of the recent time I can remember, I have put barriers on how many activities I have going at any one given time, and typically had to drastically limit my time with friends to allow myself some recovery time. And when it came to dating, it was an activity I only had time for if I reduced my time with my friends, or my extracurricular activities.
Fast forward to current life. I'm a year into a lot of drastic changes to my life simultaneously, and yet, for the past month or so, I've been balancing my career, school, dating, friend time, the gym, and volunteer work without constantly feeling drained or stressed.
HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?
When I think about how much I've actually been doing, it makes me have postpartum anxiety. I have been perplexed as to how this is possible and trying to find the item I dropped the ball on, because in my mind there has to be at least one.
So what has changed? How am I able to now comfortably manage what I've always wished I could do? What makes this all possible?
THE POSITIVE FLOW OF ENERGY.
I've come to the conclusion that it's energy. Absolute positive energy. That has to be it, because, over time, that's the only major shift I can trace this back to. I have hit a wonderful point in my life, where I am able to listen to my intuition, detect what toxic energy might be in my space, and adjust so that I am only surrounding myself with the positive.
It's not permanent. It's a constant awareness. I can't hire an exterminator to ensure I never encounter toxicity ever again. But I have learned that while I cannot control everything, I do have a huge say on what and who I fill my life with, and what that energy looks like.
It's incredible how much room exists when your energy isn't drained by toxicity.
It's much more difficult and draining to worry and stress than to love and live happily. When you embrace happiness and choose good vibes, more room opens up to enjoy the things and people you love. And it becomes even more clear who and what is fuel for your soul. It feels similar to when I keep a healthy diet. When I go off that and enjoy something full of fat or sugar, my body notices it a lot sooner than it did when it was accustomed to bad habits.
I am able to sense the good and embrace what feeds me rather than drains me. I am still baffled by how much more space this gives me in my life, but instead of focusing on what or worrying, I am going to embrace it and enjoy this gift I have allowed in.